Handling a Man the African Way...

A man wonders why so many millions of a man's brothers and sisters are so wont to wish death on a man. An old man for that matter. Its so unAfrican. In a man's culture, men do not wish that a person dies - in a man's days of yore, when a wizard was caught inflangrante delicto, the thing to do was to cut off both ears, or hammer a nail onto the wizard's sneaky forehead. 

Because death is too easy. Many of men have faced difficulties and chose to tie a rope around men's neck - it is easier to escape into bottomless oblivion than face a man's tribulations head on. Death is the easiest way out. Vakafa vakazorora. It is not just an adage. It is the truth.

Why then would a man wish that a man dies? No; a man should not die. A man says a man should be kept alive and healthy - or kept in whatever state of being a man is when a man is finally caught. And a man needs to be taken to a man's home - not the one with that colourful roof on it; but the one in Musha Mukuru, which a man acquired long, long ago before the donkeys grew horns and a country suddenly got 'free.' Take a man and a man's family to that bullet riddled home and let a family live in peace. Cut electricity to a man's house. Sever the water supply to man's house like the doctor does vasectomy. Watch as a man's wife soaks a wife's sanitary pad in saline hot water so a wife can use a pad again the following day.

No more million thousand kilometre trips to the island clinic just to give birth to a child; a man's nearest health care will be the free services of Madzibaba Miteuro where he will drink water from a clay pot and put his trust in the utilitarian healing prowess of three small stones that cannot even kill a louse if they tried. Let a man's stomach grumble; let a man drool thick black saliva as he passes a diner on his way to the pensioner's queue at POSB. Let a man be told that his pension was not deposited. Let a man rattle the chains of the closed bank because he has been birdwatching the ATM for two weeks now and it has only carried one message - service will be available shortly.

Let a man go home to his children and ask them to boil soil because it is bond maize meal. It is just a good as the real thing; a man actually wonders why men spend 46million years trampling on the soil, instead of collecting it and feeding it to their children. That heavy, earthy taste is best starch a man could ever ingest into a man's rumbling intestines.

Yes, let a man live in Musha Mukuru, and let a man's children grow to become doctors and get to work in hospitals a man's children cannot afford to be sick in. Let a man's kids work in supermarkets a man's kids cannot afford to buy from. 

No more zillion billion trips to a far away land so a man can purchase garments with famous names like Gucci and Lacoste. Let Mupedzanhamo be a man's shopping centre of Hobson's choice. Let a man enjoy his absolute Constitutional right to be arrested a second after the courts clear a man of any wrongful mischief. And be arrested again after that. And again. And... Oh.... Actually a man might have been arrested more times than there are stars in the sky and sand on the beaches. Once, before the donkeys grew horns and a country was suddenly 'free.' 

Let a man play the famous cat and mouse games with a man's tenants, because a man's tenants have no money to pay their monthly dues. Let a man curse the land of his forefathers then, and invoke the forefather's wrath. Let a man watch with wide eyed wonder as a commuter omnibus slams into his home through the front door because a driving man failed to negotiate a driving man's way past a pot hole. 

Why kill a man? Why wish that a man dies? Once, a faceless man wished to have a girl's face up a wall. A wrong girl died because of a man's wish; then the other girl left a man because a girl suddenly realised she had a name and a home in Winterfell. And a man was left with no girls.

So, many men should not wish death upon an old man. It is unGodly; this is known. It is unAfrican. A man should be left to live. Long enough to take full stock of the fruits of a man's totalitarian handiwork. Let a man become a real man of the people who lives among other people.

In Musha Mukuru.