Mugovera

Nyaya iri kutevera chidimbu chenganonyorwa ichaburwa zvino uno, inonzi ZVATINOITIRANA. Nakigwai.

Yha. Ndaita kubhururuka komene sendine mapapiro edzadzura. Just my luck kuti zuva randiri kungovhunduka vhunduka zvakadai ndobva ndashongana naTafadzwa nemunun’na wake ndiri ndoga muno muchakasara.

Ndingati chii – kuti ndine munyama? Maybe. Maybe not. It’s just another normal day muvupenyu hwangu hwezororo rino hwakadai kundiitira chamupidigu pidigu. Iwe ndiwe ungadii iwe – wabva kumakore kwawanga wabhururukira woburukira pana Tafa – munhu wekupedzisira waunoda kuvona pano pasi – uri kusekerera zvake uchirwerwa rute sebere ravona mbudzi yakakuvara makumbo ose pakati pesango. Ndafunga – pamwe Tafadzwa ibere rine zhara ravona mbudzi yakakuvara makumbo ose mudondo zveshuwa.

Nekuti wanga uchisekerera vasikana. Chii chiri paari changa chisingasekereri – vhudzi renyemwerero, face yenyemwerero, zheve dzenyemwerero, dumbu renyemwerero, makumbo enyemwerero, mavoko enyemwerero. Walkman yenyemwerero. Haha. Chero Smiley chaiye unosara pasi. Nyemwerero pose pose. Dzanga dzakazara zvekuti ndadombofunga kuti ini ndanga ndiri imwe yenyemwerero dzakeka.

Nyemwerero nyemwerero nyemwerero. Pose pose.

Ende hauna kumboda zvekuwesta nguva – you have to give it to him – haanonoki. Handimushori; dei ndanga ndiri ini ndapuhwa miniti imwechete naSteve taitaura zvunhu hundred. Kana kuti ndaimukwatura mbama hundred dzekumutenda kundipinza mugehena kwaakaita…

Ndofunga ndambozvivudza manje manje pano apa kuti ndikangamwe nezvaSteve. Ndine musoro uzere mvura nhai…

Kwahi naTafa, oh, my God! Shamiso! Ndiwe! Kana kuti ndiri kuita hangu wet dream manheru? Kuita kwaMwari vakomana – ndaiva ndodofunga kuti handichafi ndakakuvona futi; neither in this life or the next (uchiiginowa kuchema kwandanga ndichiita kuti watsemurisa hana yangu nekutya. Pandavona kuti ndiTafa wanga wandivhundusa ndambofara. Pandahovona kuti ndiTafadzwa wanga wandivhundusa ndarohwa nehana; for the hundredth time, ndofunga). What a coincidence – unoziva kuti pandakuvona apa ndanga ndichitokufunga? Kubata kwewedenga kunoshamisa zvedi – wandisanganisa newe kuno uku… he zvakati zvikati. Ini handifungi kuti kuita kwaMwari kwekuti ndivone Tafadzwa zuva ranhasi. Asika, sezvandamboreva, its just another day with Shamiso Tariso.

Hakuna kana sign yekuti Midhi ungangosvika pano chero nguva. Ndofunga wasvika kumba ukawana chembere ichiita kuteta pasi ichisungira dhuku muchivuno nehasha. Mbuya VaTafadzwa. Nhasi Midhi uchademba kuti dei ndagara ndagarira kuhuni hangu.

“Tafadzwa, I’m having a rough day, ok? Zvunhu zvakashata muupenyu hwangu zvakakwana chaizvo usati wambowedzera musengwa wacho nenyaya yako isina basa iyoyo. Wadii kumbondisiyavo kwanhasi chete shamwari ndatsvaka huni ndikadzokera kumba kunovona zvekuita nelife yangu?”

“Shamiso. Utori nani zvako iwe une rough day chete.”

Nhai Mwari, ilaki rerudziiko randaita nhasi iri! Ndamutarira kudai – ndikahwa ropa richipisa kani. Tiri kupedzerana chete nhasi. “Ko ini wambofungavo nezvangu here shamwari. Every day kwandiri irough day. I'm living a rough life. Kubva musi uya wawaramba kupindura tsamba yangu uya. Kuzoti these days zvanga zvabatana nekuti iwe wacho wanga wadhisapiya paearth – kasi unofarira kuvona upenyu hwangu hwuchitsva nhai Shami?”

“Zvine basa neni here izvozvo?” Shamiso wangokaruka wasekerera zvisina setswa mukati. Dzimwe nguva munhu unongoseka nhamo serugare so. Zvinoitika. Uvone zvakaita smairi yacho! Dei ndichidokisa izvozvi. Mwana wakapenga uyu vakomana. Ndiri kuhwa kudziigwa nesmairi yebhebhi.

“Ndine basa rei nevupenyu bwako nezvinoitika kwauri Tafa? He?”

Ndasekerera. Kubva zvandashongana nechimai ichi ndanga ndichikonewa kubumira. Ndizvo chaizvo zvandaichemera ndichishaiwaka izvi!

“Nekuti, Shami, baby girl. I love you. Ndinokuda Shami shamwari. Unoziva chii – you are the light that blooms the flower of my heart and fills it with happiness. Ndiwe woga chikonzero nei ndichirarama iwe. Ende unoziva chii – I was born to make you happy too. Moyo wangu haufari kana ndikakuvona uchitambura so. Unoda kuti ndikuitire chii bhebhi, because what I want is a genuine smile on that gorgeous face.”

Wanditarira, this time usingasekereri. “I’m flattered.”

Flattered? Flattered yekuita sei? “He?”

“Chirungu chako chakanaka Tafadzwa.”

“Haha. Hookeyi. Thanks bhebhi, unongozivaka kuti…”

“Zvekuti dei waigona kuchengetedza zvaunovimbisa waizoita chunhu hwani chaichinja vupenyu bwangu Tafa. Can you please just leave me alone?”

Kanazve. Haikona nhasi mhai. Haikona musati maridza mhere muchiti munondida. “That’s impossible Shami. Wambozvitarira paglazi ukavona kuti wakamira sei nhasi? Ganda rako chairo iri randinoziva richipenya rakacheneruka. You need a tan, see. Like Hale Berry, kana J Lo. Kana Julia Roberts chaiye. Kana Miss Zimbabwe, Angie Musasiwa.

“Asi iwe unongogara mumba wakamirira kuti disaster iitike. That’s because people left you alone, sweet sugar plum. Manje ini handiiti izvozvo. Handibvi paside pako apa. You know what; you and me could play games, baby. Magemhu evanhu vakuru.”

“Magemhu ako ndinomaziva Tafadzwa. Ndakamavenga. Hapana kana gemhu yako yandinoda pano pasi.”

“Shami futi – haikona munhu unombotanga wavhunza kuti magemhu acho ndeapi here usati waramba? Ungavenga gemhu sei iwe usingarizivi? Ko kana gemhu racho riri rako iwe?” Ndaramba ndakanzi dzvondo sendakatarigwa neZimcare. Ndaseka hangu.

“Aka! Kedu Shami. Kamwana kachandipengesa aka. Ha ha. Eee, horaiti bhebhi, chihwaka zviri pano – yanga yakaipei iwewe neni tikatamba chitsvambe tiri vaviri zvedu ari masikati kudai?” Ndapuruzira muromo wangu ndikakwiza mavoko. Icho! Unoipindura uchiti kudii yakadero? “Tichirovera bhora pasi takamedza firiji.”

Mwana waomegwa nayo –ndiri kukuhwinha chete. Chero Tawanda wadzungudza musoro. Yha, nhasi wakateerera blaz vachitaura zvisingaiti mupfanha. Inonzi nyengology iyoyo. Tisu takatanga nayo.

Shami wafinyama uchitarira kusaidhi. Pava paya wazocheukira kwandiri; kumeso kuya kuchakasungwa. “Mmm, gemhu yako inobhowa iyi. Tingatamba chitsvambe kuti tiri vanana here? Tadii kutsvaka zvimwe zviri nani?”

Chero Tawanda chaiye wananzvira. Wadozvivona kuti chikoso chadodyira ichi. Fanta yose iyi yadova yangu. Kamu inini mhani! Rega ndimbopa munhu tambo yose unyatse kuzvisunga.

“Wanga wafunga kuti tiite seiko nhai tsvarakadenga yangu?”

“Mmm… ko inonzi dondo nehuni unoiziva?”

Dondo nehuni? Ndochii ichocho? “Inofanira kunge iri brand new game yako iyi. Ndiweka uri kutsvaka huni dzacho – tisase kuti tinoitsika sei yakadero.”

Ndatozofunga pava paya kuti pamwe uri kureva yekwake nam’dhara Steve iya. Heyi, yakamupinda wena. Chero pozoita hapo umwe munhu unogwadziwa nenyaya yacho pano pasika, Shami wakarohwa pazamu chaipo nemakuhwa aya. Hausati wadomboguta chero kutaura nezvawo.

Kana kungoti mwana uri kuda kuti ndingomubetsera kutsvaka huni muno mudondo chete. Kana yakadero yakabakazve.

“Mutambo wacho haunetsi Tafadzwa.” Wakananga kune muti wakaoma waari kuda kutema vusoso. Iye unogova nemasanhu maviri – asi wavuya naMidhi kuno? Saka waindepi Midhi wacho?

“Chako chete kungobuda mudondo muno wakananga kumba kwenyu; wondisiya ndiri ndoga ndichitsvaka huni.”

Ndanga ndangotauravo semunhu uri kupindura nyaya yaari kumanikidzwa kutamba. Ndokubva ndadotarira divi hangu ndichipfira mate mumavoko kuti nditange kuita zvandavinga vuno. Asi zvaitika pano handizvo zvandanga ndakatarisira. Chokwadi. Tawanda ndiye wakonewa kuzvibata. Wadzatuka veduwee, sedumbuzenene rechikugwe rakazvimbigwa nebundo rezhezha.

“Aa – ahahahahahahahahahahaha!”

Wakaita kukotamira mwana, semunhu uri kurutsa matumbhu.

“Ehehehehehehehehehehehe!”

Uri kugomera semunhu wadyisiwa. “Ohohohohohohohohohohoho!”

Ini handisi kuseka. Ndatarira kusaidhi ndokubva ndasunga romo rangu zvakasimba.

“Ihihihihihihihihihihihihihi!”

Tawanda zvauchatifira nhaimi. Uri kutatarika uchikonewa kumira zvakanaka.

“Aha-aha- ah yha yha. Ahihihihehehehohohohohoho!”

Tafadzwa wazozvimanikidza kujoina mufana wake pava paya. Wambopedza nguva wakanditarira uchishama nekukahadzika kuti zvandataura zvabva pai. Ende pawaseka pacho kwanga kwava kuvhara nyadzi chaiko. Ndiyo nguva yekutanga yandavona Tafa uchiseka usingadi panzvimbo pano.

“Ohihi! My God, Shami, ende une mafani! Handisati ndakambovona munhu pano pasi wakaspaka mupfanha wangu sezvawaita nhasi. Maiguru vako vakapengaka, yout’?”

Zvabva zvaita kuti yout’ uya uti bhuvhu kuseka, madzihwa achiodzvoka kubva mumhino dzake.

“Oo. Wazvivonaka Shami babes? Unoita kuiti ini nevemhuri yangu tifare. Ukangondida chete, family equation inobva yabuda bhoo. Ndinokudzivirira kubva kune zvose; chero vana Steve havazombokuiti zvavakakuita paya. Nekuti Shamisoka, hapana chunhu chinodhanganyisa bhureni dzangu sekuvona vanhu vachikunungira nhema Shamiso.”

“Tafadzwa,” ndakanda sanhu raMidhi pasi. Iye uchiri kupiko? “Hapana chunhu chinodhanganyisa fungwa dzangu pano pasi sekukuvona uchindiudza chokwadi. Kuti mudictionary rako mune shoko rekuti ‘no’ here nhaiwe?”

Kubva nguva dziya Tawanda hauna kuzomboita munhu kwaye. Zvevananavo veduwee – izvozvi haavoni kuti mukoma Tafadzwa vari kutsamwa nazvo here?

“Shamiso unomboziva chii – kana shoko risingawanikwi mudictionary rangu inika, hapana zvarinenge richireva. Manje iwe unodotaura hako zvekuti no – inotibetsera chii no iyoyo? Inotivakira imba here no yacho?”

“Ndosaka tisiri kuwirirana nhai? Iwe unoziva mashoko miriyoni echirungu, asi hauzivi kuti no zvinorevei! Rega ndibetsere njere dzako – dziri brilliant otherwise – no kuramba Tafadzwa. Kuti bodo. Tsvo. Nadha. Handidi. Aiwa. Kwete. Ini pano kana ndichiti no ndinenge ndichireva kuti handidi hangu, wena. Handikudi.” Ndataura shoko racho ndakadzikama, kuita sekuti ndanga ndichida kutaura opposite yahandikudi.

“Tava kuhwisisana here?” Ndavhunza. “Ende unofanira kusiyana naSteve. Chose chose zvacho chakaitika kwandiri haisi haisi mhosva yake. Ndeyangu.”

Ndanyenama. “Molly wakamusiya wani. Haikona ndiye unonyanya kuwirirana naSteve. Wakadii kuinda kuna Molly wacho if you want to save us all from Steve? Waizorega musikana achiinda wakatembha here?”

Kava kechipiri kuvona Tafadzwa uchiseka usingadi panzvimbo ino. Wachenama uchikwizakwiza dama rake – asi gwazvino nyemwerero yacho yanga ichitonhora. Yandirovesa nehana; zikudhi dhi dhi riya rinopidigura mapapu.

Wakwenya dama rake. “Heyi. NaMolly munodzivhendenyura dzose nhai? Hapana kana chimwe chine mudzimu chamunosiyaka?”

“Ko shamwari ndedzei, kana ndichitendegwa kuvhunza hangu?”

“Saka zvose zvaiitika waizviziva hako kubva day one handiti?”

“Mmm,” ndatsinzina hangu ndakaisa chiso mudenga, ndichigwa nechinokurira chiri kuda kuti ndigwadzise Tafadzwa kupfuura zvaari kuhwa ivozvi. “Last time pandakataura newe wakati waitamba hako pawainyenga Molly, Tafadzwa.”

“Ko ini ndingati kudiivo.” Hapana chunhu chinogutsa panguva dzino sekuvona Tafa uchiperegwa nemashoko. Wanyara veduwe. “Since iwe uchitaura zvose zvose naMolly ndiwe unoziva chokwadi chezvandaitaura?”

Ndadzungudza musoro sendoomuhwira tsitsi. “Tsk tsk tsk. Ndinozviziva kuti kurambwa kunogwadza Tafadzwa. Chero nani zvake. Kuzoti ari Molly hake – achikuramba nekuti ari kuda munhu waunoziva. Tsk tsk. Ndirini ndinozvisunga wena.”

Tafadzwa watsinzina.

“Unoziva chii – pamwe wainyanya kuita zvehasha, shamwari. Unozviziva kuti vamwe vasikana havadi zvekurhafugwa. Kana kuti pamwe hamheno chiri pauri chakangovengwa naMolly so…”

“Or maybe a better person came along,” waidza kundibetsera. “SaSteve.” Mutauriro waaita unenge webhunu riya riri kuda kuvudza vanhu kuti, “Steve/ Steve Chikara? Gimme a fucking break!”

Ndakaruka ndangofunga murungu waMidhi. Ndokubva ndafunga futi kuti Midhi unofanira kudai wadzoka kare – asi haasati. Unombova kupi nhai?

Ndasumudza mavoko angu ose mudenga ndichizamura, chifuva chichiti dhe kumberi. “Kushandisa chirevo chimwe chete chinobatanidza zvose izvozvoka Tafadzwa – you simply left a lot to be desired. Ende haumbochinji.”

“Hoo nhai. Saka vana Steve ndivo vana Mr. Cool Guy, vasina rough, vanotengera mabhebhi chicken nemaruva everyday, handiti?”

Ende nhasi ndazomuwanikidza mukomna uya. Wava kuzvihwa zvandaihwa kuchibhorani kwaaindichemedza naVoni musi uya. “Tafadzwa, iwe wamboreva kuti Molly ishamwari yanguka. Saka zvose zvauri kuda kuti nditaure izvozvo unoda kuzviziva wakamira saani?”

“Let’s try husband-in-waiting.”

Ndaisa mavoko pamuromo sendooda kunamata. “Well; Let;s try; never in this life. Or in the next. We regret to inform you that you cannot be accepted into this temple.”

“Yha. Shamiso. Shamwari huru chaiyo. Yakavimbika futi. Ndaandisingazivizve ini kuti munopindirana zvakadero naMolly. Zvose panyama nepamweya. Ndofunga shamwari yako inokuda zvakadero ichafara chaizvo kuhwa kuti wakasara uchisumudzira payaiva yasiyira nemukomana wayo?”

Ndadomboramba ndinyerere kani ndakamutarira, ndichifunga kuti ndichamuvona woseka zvenhema uchindivudza kuti wanga achitamba hake. Asi iye wadoramba akandidzvondora wena, sekuti wataura zvine musoro. Haa; I cannot believe this boy!

“Heheede! Huuri! Usada kundisetsa mukomana iwe, wazvihwa? Unofunga kuti nezvawakaita izvi –” ndichimupima kubva kumusoro kusvika kushoka – “Zvauri iwe. After last time pawakapotsa watamba mwana wevanhu ten-nought paya. Wozoda kumuvudza kuti – he! Hee! Mai vangu vari pachuru.

“Kana kuti ngatingomirira zvivhugwe zvikoro zvacho tigovona – pamwe ungabvuma zvaunotaura. Ndokunge wambokupa mukana wacho wekutaura newe futi.”

“Ndozvaunofunga Shamiso?”

“Tafadzwa; unomboziva chii – maybe you are not a master planner after all. Yha, unogona kubata vanhu vose kumeso dzimwe nguva uchibudirira. Poshi haagwigwi.

“Asi hazviiti kuti urambe uchivhara vanhu vose nguva dzose. Wavona Maths dzacho?”

“Mmm. Saka wakazvibata futi izvozvo nhai?”

XXX

Kana. Hazvisi. Maziso angu ari kudoita zvesketch neni, asi haazivi kuti mazuva ano B.P yangu iri kuda kuputika here?

Asi kana mhani. Ndini ndava kudozvinungiravo nhema ini – zvunhu zvandiri kunyatsa kuvona pachena semutengesi ari pafiring squad izvi. Pamwe bhureni dzangu ndidzo dziri kutamba neni, kwete maziso. Ndofunga dzava kudhunya ini. Dzaita kokai. Haha. Mira ndimboidza futi, pamwe ndingawana zvachinja. Nekuti hachingambovi chokwadizve ichocho.

Muno muCherupasa!

No. Kana. Pane zvakaipa zviri kuitika chete kufungwa dzangu ini. Zvunhu zvakaipisisa.

Haasi Shamiso wandiri kuvona uyo!

Nhasi zvangu – kana ndanga ndichifamba ndakatarira pasi zvandinosiita kana ndiri ndoga ndaivabondera chete (ndaibva ndangoomera ipapo; nyangwe izvozvi handifungi kuti ndine time ndisati ndaita chimukuyu).

Uri kuseka wena; kuseka kwemunhu uya unotsvaka nhamo uchiishaiwa. Pandakapedzisira kumuvona uchiseka zvakadai ndaiva ndabva kumuyambira kuti kana waiva wafunga zvekuramba mwana wangu wewalkman ini baba vacho ndaizofa hangu nemeningitis.

“NaMwari kudai – meninges dzangu dzinotsva dzikadhadhauka kuti dambu dambu serhekeni dzakavora. Ugovona urozvi bwangu bwuchiita volcano bwuchibuda nepanhongonya apa.

“Zvekuti kana vakandivhunza kuti tipe mashoko mana anopera na-gory, ndinoti category, allegory. Gregory.”

“Ko rechifour racho?” Mainini vakandiseka. “Kasi chirungu chati hwa mumusoro?”

“Rechifour? Chamupidigori.”

Raiva zuva rimwe chete tisati tahwa makuhwa akawira pakati pedu akatirashira kwake kwake.

Nhasi Shamiso uri kuseka naTafadzwa. Vari kutsvaka huni vose – nhai Musiki, hamungandimutsi here kubva kuhope mupengo dzakadai? Ende vari kundinyeya futi – Shamiso svanga svichinyenama svichiti kuna Tafa, iwe siyana naSteve uya, imhosva yake yake yose iyi. Ndiri kuda kunovudza Molly ugomuramba pachi pedo. Tafa uchisekereravo. Izvi ndizvo zvunhu zvisiri kuitika izvi. Kana Mwari waizondiudza kuti ndichavona Tafa uchiseka naShami mudondo vachitsvaka huni vose ndaimuseka ini, ndichiti unopenga.

Kana kuti ini ndini ndafa hangu? Nekuti kufa kufaka; munhu unogona kuvona madzengerere. Yha; ndofunga ndini ndafa. Manje manje ndinenge ndava kudotongwa mabasa angu epasi.

XXX

“Ko iwe unofunga kuti chii?”

Uku ndiko kunonzi kuigochera pavutsi kwandaita pano. Kuzvipushira dovi ndiri pakati pemasvosve. Ndaandichitaura zvangu semunhu unorota; nekuti kana uchirota zvivindi zvose unenge unazvoka. Ndanga ndichifanira kuzvivona kuti nyaya iya yachinja ikatarira kunonyudza. Ndanga ndichifanira kuzvivona kuti Tafadzwa wapedzisira kuseka kare kare. Wakanditarira nemaziso ari kuchinja colour nechimbi chimbi yegwaivhi guri kuchinjira moto mavara.

Pandazvivona ndabata muromo. Imhosva yangu. Ndini ndapinza Molly mukati; ndanga ndisingafaniri kudero. Asika ndanyengegwa nekuvhunduka kwaanga achiita, dzokonoko ndoindirira nekubvarukira sehembe yabapwa nechinanga.

I should have known when to stop.

“Ndofunga kuti ndakuvhunza muvhunzo Shamiso.”

Mai iyi yazozvibata pava paya kuti yakanya. But its already too late. Wazvisunga woga. Nhai ndambobata munhu here ini; pane pandamboisa mashoko mumuromo make?

Uri kuchevuka chevuka; ndofunga uri kudemba kuti Midhi wambobapwa neiko kwausiri kudzoka ikoko. Asi chero Midhi ukava pano ndiko kuti zvigochinjeiko? Shamiso ndiye watanga nyaya yacho; Shamiso unosungigwa kuipedzisa. Wanga uchimbonakigwa pano apa uchindikena – zvino zvava zvangu munhu ndipo paunotsvaka Midhi? Hakuna zvakadero zviri kuzoitika mudikani. Not even Midhi will stop me.

“Muvhunzo uri simple simple. Chako kungopindura chete sezvawanga uchimboita. Haikona wanga uchimbondijinyura manje manje wakafara apa? Chachinja chii?”

Kumeso kwaTafadzwa kuti kundiudza kuti rino ndiro zuva richandirebera vupenyu bwangu bwose. Since my whole life. Since my wife wakati Mai Loti musi uya tiri kuMushandira. Zvekuchadzoka sure yadova non-starter. Ndini ndarega rurimi gwangu guchiita kamoto kamberevere. Zvarava rimi kudai ndodomira nagwo. Ndegwangu.

Midhi uchiri kupiko nhai? “Ndati iwe unofungei?”

“Hapana chekumbofunga apa, Shami.” Uri kuita zvekutamba nhai. “Ndiwe wakabata dhiri rangu iwe. Ndokubva wavudza Molly.” Ndazviziva kuti ndiri kutaura chokwadi. Ndada kuputika neshungu. Pulani yangu yanga iri chidhonoro chakadero yakaparadziwa nemusikana! NaShamiso! No. Hazviiti.

“Wambofungavo kuti pamwe ndiSteve wakazvibata ukavudza Molly here?”

“No.” Ndanga ndafunga nezvazvo. Handizvitendi. “Haasi Steve, Shamiso bhebhi. Chero newe unozviziva izvozvo. Steve waiva usina kana chanzi yekubata plan yaDoc. Futi chero uri iye wakazvibata haana kuvudza Molly. Ndiwe iwewe.

“Zvunhu zvandaiva ndanyatsa kuronga zvangu zvakanakanaka. Ndaiva ndasara apa kuti ndihwinhe munhu wangu – ndakambokukanganisira chiiko nhaiwe? Ndakakudyira chii chakakupa kundimaka zvakadero?”

Ndabata muromo – saka ndaiva right pose apa! Tafadzwa ndaingomufungira kuti ndiye chete waida kuparadzanisa Steve naMolly. Ndaiva right nhai. Ende mukomana uyu haaiti – ungadorongera vanhu zvunhu zvakaoma kudero; ivo vakamudyira chii zvaaida kuvaparadza kudero?

“M-hm, imi ambhuya hamuna kumbonyengwa here imi? Hamuzivi kuti chirema chine mano chinotamba chakazembera pai? Kana kuti risinganyepi hariwani? Unoziva chii – tine yatinoti law of nyengology, musikana. Plan A – rume risinganyepi hariroori. Hauzvizivi here izvozvo? Chero Steve wako iyeye unozviziva wani. All is fair in love and war. Kana ndaida kuita zveferherhe unofunga ndaihwinha chii paya iwe? Steve aiva ava kumberi kwangu kudhara. Ini ndichisunga bhutsu mudressing room, muchinda anga atogohwesa ruviri kudhara. Iwe waivapo kuti umubetsere kana zvorema. Plus futi icho chiMolly chacho chaiva chagara chakadoperera pamunhu kudhara. Although zvichidondishamisa kuti munhu chaungati unododavo pana Steven Chikara chii chaicho? Kusekeregwa? Shavi renhamo rekuramba tii zvarinoita futi!

"Iwe unonyatsa kuziva kuti pana Molly paya ndaida kugohwesa bhora mugedhi riri mugomo. Steve waiva akavha ground kudhara; saka ini ndaifanira kudomiramira semweya wesvina chaiwo kuti tiinzane. Iwe ndipo paunododa hako zvekundivhiringira minyati yangu.”

Ndaseka hangu ini; dzimwe nguva munhu unongokaruka waseka so. Tafadzwa. Ende Molly waiva wawira. “Saka ndiwe hako waituma Sandi kunotyityidzira mwana wevanhu Tafa? He? Ende wakaoma wena. Kuoma chaiko. Manje kana rume rinonyepa rikabapwa rinoita sei nhaiwe? Rinoinda kuplan B?”

“Haribapwi, Shamiso. Kana richinyenga komenemene haribapwi. Iwe hauzivi kuti kunyenga isurvival of the fittest? Mutemo wemhuka chaiwo. Saka munhu haufaniri kuronga minyati inobatika. Kuzhe kwekuti kwaitavo winds dzinohi Shamiso, kasi? Yha. Ndidzo dzinodhistroya madhiri evanhu idzodzo.

“Iwe wakambobva nepiko? Ini ndaiva ndaseta bhombha rangu bhoo bhoo. Unomboziva kuti mari yandakadyiwa yakawanda sei nekungopindira kwako ikoko? Unoziva kuti moko ndairilavha sei riya…”

“Yha. Sekulavha kwaunondiitazve. Hazvisi here?”

“Ihwaka, Shamiso shamwari,” ndadero ndichisimuka mubhara. “Iwewe ndiwe uchandilavha manje. Tichadanana. Zviya zvekudanana zviya.”

“Uri kuda kuti tibhejerane here Tafadzwa? Nekuti fungwa yangu neweka… kangamwa shamwari. Ooo. Pinda umu. Hazvifi zvakaitika. Neither in this life nor in the next.”

Ndabata chanja chaanga akatambanudza, ndikaramba ndakachidzvanya. Advance kushuga. “Ko ndamboti ndezvesarudzo here nhai bhebhi?”

Ndiri kuhwa bhoo. Ndatarira mazamu emwana. Ndikahwa kutsva kani. Ari kundiitira manyawi wena; achiti huya tivone – huya utikweve tivone kuti ungatigona here iwe.

“Hazvisisiri zvekunyengererana manje izvi wena. Ini ndaida Molly hangu, and you got yourself in the way. Saka unoda kuti ndiite sei – ndingokusiya hako wakadero? Hahaha. Chero wanga uriwe wena; waiita sei pakadai?

“Unoziva kuti yawakaita inonzi chii kuRhoma – cardinal sin. Kutadza kukuru chaiko kwakadopfuura chitadzo chaJudhasi Iskarioti chekutengesa mwana waMwari chiya. Zvino kana vanhu vakaita zvitadzo zvikuru unoziva kuti vanoita sei Shamiso? Vanobhadhara. Kana kuti vanomanikidzwa kubhadhara.”

“Ndosaka tine matare edzimhosva pano pasi. Judhasi wakabhadhara nevupenyu bwake. Kwahi pawakafa wakaputika kuti pu! semabhombha aya ekuparadza Hiroshima neNagasaki. Ndiwo waiva mubhadharo wake iwoyo. Wakafira zvivi zvake.

“Manje iwe wakazvimanikidza hako pawaiva usingakwanika…”

“Ngatingoti chete handidi kuvona shamwari dzangu dzichiitiswa…”

“Heee. Imbonyarara iwe. Handisati ndapedza. Nekuda kwekuda kukwanakwana kwako ikoko unofanira kubhadhara nyonganyonga yawakakonzera.

“Iwe neni Shamiso,” ndapwedera kwaari. Pawada kuchedha ndabata gumwe ruvoko – sanhu rikati pasi pu. “We are gonna play games. Magemhu anokwana $500. Kana tapedza hauzofi wakada kupindira nyaya dzisiri dzako futi. Wahwa here?”

Ndaramba ndinyerere ndakatarira pasi. Ndatsinzina. Izvi Mwari zvazonyanya izvi. Chokwadi. I don’t believe this is happening. Sei zvunhu zvose zvakaipa zvichingoda kuitika kwandiri ini? Kana hwi rekuridza mhere chairo ndarishaiwa.

Mavoko angu ose anzi dzvi naTafadzwa. Anoita seakabapwa nechiribhani. Muridzi wawo ndiri kumuhwa uchifemera pamusoro. Pawanga uchifamba wakandinanga ndafunga kuti uri kuda kundirovazve ini. Ndipo pandairasha ipapo. Mistake number two. Pandahotarira kumeso kwake – too late – ndazvivona zvose.

Ndipo pazvazongopindavo zvekuti Midhi wanga uchifanira kudai wadzoka kare. Asi haasati. Ende haasi kuzosvika pano dzamara Tafadzwa waita zvaunoda. Ndapera simba. Ndiri pakati pedondo ndakasungwa naTafadzwa. Munhu wandanga ndichifunga kuti ndiye shamwari yangu yoga yasara wanditengesa.

Midhi. Ndahwa kuneta – kurezuka chaiko. Nemhaka yei?

“Usambofunga zvekuita ruzha hako wena.” Tafadzwa uri kufara kuti wahwinha. Iye haana here veduwe? “Hapana unokuhwa. I always suspected you. Kubva musi wandatukwa naMolly uchiti wakabata pulani yangu tiri kutiripi kuya. Ndakangozviziva kuti ndiwe chete. Ende wakangwara wena. Uri bright. Ndinofanira kukuvudza kudero. Handisati ndambovona musikana une njere dzakapinza sewe.”

“But ini ndakangwarisa manje. Ndiyo problem yako iyoyo. Yha. Wanga uri right. Ndakainda kuPlan B. Malavista Chigananda; wakamboihwa here? Chisvombhonoro chemunyati. Ndaizviziva kuti ukangoshaiwa Steve chete padivi pako apa waihondivudza chakaitika naMolly. Vakomana vakomana, shamwari; ende vasikana… well… vasikanaka! Ha! Ha! Ha! Wavona manje kuti njere dzako dzakavhurikaka seskirt yako iyi?

Ndazevezera muzheve yake ndichiinazva. “Manje Steve wako uripi nhasi Shamiso? Dhiri riri kusevenza nderani? Hmm? Iwe unoda kundivudza kuti wainyatsotenda kuti ba’ni Steve chaivo vangafamba vachiparidza kuraini rose kuti uri bhebhi ravo iwe? Kutanga rini mudhara wangu uchiita zvakadero kwauri Shamiso; nekupindirana kwamaiita kuya. Plus futi ivo vakanyenga banga rinenge Molly riya?

“Wakapusa mupfanha. Kana tava kuinda kuzvunhu zvinoda njere dzakapinza, dzevanhu vakagirajuweta kuUniversity of Life haukwani. Wazvivonaka?”

Yha. Ndazvivona. Ndakapusa zvokwadi. Ndikada zvekutanga kudemba izvozvi ndiri kufenda chete. Handidi kufunga kuti Steve wakanditi chii pamusoro paTafadzwa musi uya kugwizi. Handidi kufunga kuti ndakamurovera nyaya yawaiva usingazivi musi uya kuchibhorani. Nekuti dei ndakanyumwa haisi kuzonditungamira nguva dzino.

Yha. Ndakapusa. Handidi kufunga kuti Midhi wanga uri muplan B yaTafadzwa. Handidi hangu. Ndiri kushamiswa kuti handisi kuchema nei. Nekuti kana munhu uchichema haikona unenge uchihwihwidza zvine ruzha, moyo wako uchigwadza? Saka ini handisi kuchemaka.

Inongova mvura chete iri kubuda mumaziso angu.

Tawanda ndiye wadondibetsera kutaura zvunhu zvandanga ndichifanira kutaura ini. “Saka dzaiva nhema dzawaitaura hako mazuva ose awa!”

“Haikona nhema m’fana.” Tafadzwa waisa chigumwe pamuromo. “Haikona nhema dzandaitaura inini. Inhema dzaikonzegwa namaiguru vako ava. Ini hapana zvandakamboita ini. Nhai; ndakaitei nhai Shami? Ndakamboisa mhino yangu mumwena wandisina basa nawo here? Tawandaka, ndiri kuda kukuratidza zvinoitwa vasikana vanoda zvekungozvipinza pose pose. Kana ukajairigwa nebhebhi unofanira kuriita zvandiri kuda kuita pano. Hapana futi munhu unozokudheerera. Chero newevo uchenjere kungoisa binho rako pose pose. Rinobuda rakanzi ndute.”

Wanditarira. Ndofunga ndaita blunder yekudzosera maziso ake neangu anokumbira ruregerero, nekuti wandiseka uchidzungudza musoro.

“Handiti ndakuvudza kuti tichalavhana here? Yha. Payback time mwana. Usandimanikidza kuti ndiite zverough. Ndiwe wakazvikanyira woga.” Wataura uchibvisa ruvoko hwani paanga akandisunga. Ndahwa kugwadza ropa richiinda kuzvigumwe. Ruvoko gwaTafadzwa guya gwasumuka, ndokubva waa.. wa.. wandi…

Zamu rangu!

Vatete kani! Ndavhazuka ndichihwengura ruvoko guya nesimba rangu rose; asi ndaigodii – mavoko angu haana kusungunuka. Saka ndaita sendarova njanji. Tafadzwa waseka uchiwedzera kundishunya. Ini ndambogugwa mweya wekufema.

Handizvivi kuti wadzoka nguvai mweya wacho, asi pawadzoka wadzoka nehwi rangu. Uyu Tafadzwa hamheno kuti wanga waisa mavoko seri kwangu nguvai; nekuti ndahwa siketi yangu yotsvedza. Pasina nguva ndinenge ndashama.

Handisati ndakambobvisa hembe mberi kwemunhurume muvupenyu bwangu.

It’s obvious kuti ruvoko gwangu gwanga gusina kugadzirira kundivona ndakati bha mberi kwaTafadzwa nemunun’una wake; haikona ini ndiri kutsvaka huni here? Gwarashikira zasi kuya guchikakata siketi yanga yongoita mutserendende. Gwandiparira – chero mhere yandanga ndatanga yazombopera here? Ndangonzi tiba nerimwe zirima randazoti fefenu ndarova pasi negotsi. Pasi paya ndazopavata munhu wadozvimanikidza pakati pangu kudhara. Tafadzwa haanonoki kani.

Nechekure ndahwa Tafadzwa uchiti, “Iwe Tafa, rega kudero mwana wevanhu mhani!”

Ndiri kuhwa mumuromo mangu kuvava; ndofunga iropa chete. Ende ndiri kurimedza futi. Rimwe riri kubuda nemumhino. Tafadzwa unenge uri kugwa nechitirauzi chake; ende ini ndinenge ndiri mumugwisavo nekuti wambosiya zvaanga achiita ndokundikwatura futi. Ini ndine nharo dzakadhakwavo ini; munhu wangondiudza zvakanakanaka kuti ndisaita nharo kuti iye usaita zviri rough. Wachenama. Uri kutaura zvandiri kuhwira kure kure.

“Uchiri kuda zvekubheja here bhebhi?”

Payback time. NaMwari oo.

Ndiri kubhadhara zvitadzo zvangu. Ndiyo zhira yaMwari yekundiranga nayo iyi. Hausi kundiranga kuti ndakabata pulani A yaTafadzwa yaiva isingafaniri kubapwa. Ndinozviziva kuti ndakabudisa Molly mumukamwa mamupere. Kana Mwari wakatsamwa naizvozvo hamheno hake. Pamwe dei Molly uriye uri pano izvozvi uchivudziwa kuti kana ukaita zvenharo uri kuzoitiwa zviri rough.

Gwati raTafadzwa rakanamatira paskipa yangu. Rakakata. Sikipa iya yatevera. Iri kuti mwrrrrrr ichiinda negwati riya. Sezvinomboita marume aya anogwa wrestling kana achibvarura nguvo dzawo atsamwa zvenhema. Ndiri kuziva kuti zvino ndazochinyatsa kuti bha kushama, asi handisisina basa nazvo. Nyangwe dei ndanga ndinaro ndaiitei; mutumbi waTafadzwa wose wakanditsikirira pasi.

Tawanda unenge watiza kare kare, nekuti zviri kuitwa namukoma zvanga zvomutyisa. Handichamuhwi achizhamba zvaanga achiita. Chero neni ndiri kutyavo. Ndazoziva nguva yainda kuti sei hana yangu yapwera ichingobhagura nhasi. Asi ndiri kubhadhara zvitadzo zvanguka. Payback time.

Mwari uri kundiranga kuti ndakakonewa kuvimba neshamwari yawakandipa mukufara nemukutambura. Smiley; chokwadi ndakakutadzira kudenga nepasi. Zvekuti kana wanga uri iye uri kundiginyabvura so handaimbochema. Ndaifanira kudai ndakazviziva musi waandigumha mazamu angu paya kuti Steve ishamwari yemandorokwati. Ndaidai ndakazviziva musi wawira Molly mugwiringwindi kwaMushandike.

Smiley nevupenzi bwake. Smiley nekusmaila kwake. Smiley nekunyara kwake.

Molly wakaita laki nekuti Smiley waiva pedo kuti umubudise mugully. Pamwe imhosva yekuti Molly hauna kunyanya kutadza. Molly wakakurumidza kuvona kurashika kwepfungwa dzake, ndokubva wataura naSteve, ukamuti sori, Steve ukahwisisa. Iye waigoitawo sei kuzhe kwekuhwisisa; haikona vanodanana here nhaimiwe? Manje ini ndakaramba chero kutaura naSteve kwacho. Ndizvo zvandava kubhadharira izvozvo. Hapana Steve uri kuzondinunura.

Zivoko riya radzika zasi. Muridzi waro uri kungoti he he he sedhongi ranyara nekurima. Zimumbiri rake yake riri kundidhirena oxygen. Muhota wanga uchibuda uya hausati wapera; ndofunga kumeso kwangu kwangozara ropa nemisodzi chete.

Ndiri kuziva kuti Tafadzwa uri kuinda kupi. Ndatsinzina. Zvichine basa rei – kufa kufaka. Manje apa ndiri kushaiwa kuti kusiri kufa ndekupi ini. Kufunga kuti ndakadoputika nekuseka hangu paya Steve uchindiudza kuti ndichenjerere mwana wake wewalkman. Ini ndakamuyambira wani kuti uchenjerere Sandra ukanditeerera. Yha, Tafadzwa wanga uchitaura chokwadi. Ndakapusa. Dununu chairo, mbudaya, gotsikotsi; zunguzenge risingazivi rudyi gwaro kubva kurubopwe.

Tafadzwa zvino wasvikigwa neshavi chairo. Wadhonza. Hapana chaitika. Warumanidza mazino ake ukanyatsoti mbambamba uchibatanidzira nevhudzi. Ukadhonza futi. Ndatsinzina; handichambohwi kugwadza kwazvo. Wadhonzazve. Ndamuhwa uchiridza tsamwa. Wabvirira kundirikita zvekuti ndava kuhwa seunonditova. Wakakata zvine simba, zvine hasha wakashunya kumeso kwake. Ini ndaguma kumugwisa kudhara. I think I’m about to die.

Paasumudza ruvoko gwanga gwakabata dhende reblack. Great. There goes my last defence against him. Hapana chichipo pakati pake neni. Pamwe umhandara hwacho, pamwe. Handidi kufunga kuti ndichagwadziwa sei. Nguva dzino ndiri kudemba nemoyo wose kuti dei paya pavaitaura kuti vakandiwanikidza naSteve muno chaiva chokwadi hacho. Zvose izvi dei pasina.

Manje kana izvi zvava kutaugwa chinenge chiri chokwadi manje. Midhi unozviziva. Tawanda unozviziva. Vana Vonai vose nana Thandi vanozviziva. Kana Steve ukazvihwa uri kuponda vanhu chete. Iye ugozviurayavo futi. Ndinozviziva kuti uchafa uchingozvikava kuti dei wakaita zvekundikanda mbama dzakati oo pamwe ndaihovona chokwadi chezvawaitaura. Dei zvose izvi pasina.

Zve, seni, unenge uchidembavo kuti dei kwaiva kusiri kunyepa kuti takavonekwa muno umu.

Ndahoziva – ndiri kuzviuraya. 

Ndiri kufa Tafadzwa usati wambosvika kumba kwavo. Handisi kumbosiya tsamba. Ndiri kuinda nenyadzi dzangu nekutadza kwangu nekuoma musoro kwangu. Kana ndikaramba ndiri mupenyu Steve unozochema pose paunondivona. I can’t live with that. Ndinoshaiwa kuti sei Mwari uchingoda kuomesera Steve nguva dzose ini.

Ropa randarashikigwa naro ndofunga kana raizopuwa munhu wavhunika mutsiba patsaona waimuka. Kana ndikafa hapana unombondishuva. Kuzhe kwaSteve. Asi Steve munhu hwanika. Uchadhila nazvo.

Kwahi naTafa, “Tava kuita zvemagemhu echikuru manje mhamha.”

Ndofunga nenivo ndagadzirira. Hapana kana chandichahwa – mutumbi waTafadzwa wakanditsimbirira pasi kana makumbo ake aasvinidzira pakati peangu.

Kana…

“Ibva ipapo mwani. Hatidero vana vevanhu.”

XXX

Mwana waridza mhere iyeye. Mhere iya yekuti munhu unongokaruka waita bara wakadzoka kuno usina kana kumbofunga ruviri; uchibvarura zvikwenzi, kudzura midzi nekurova nhanho uchichera makomba ekuti vanhu vanosara vachidzvara mabagwe.

Handizivi kuti kunyumwa here kwandaita kana kungotivo hamheno kuti chii; asi kana ndanga ndaita zvekutiza zvandambofunga kuita pandatanga kumuvona paya handifungi kuti ndaimbomuhwa. Dei ndadova kudhamhu kwaMagwati so – ndanga ndichida kutiza kusvika ndawa ndikafa.

Sezvineiwo, simba rekutiza randitiza wena, wanei makumbo angu angoita seshanga dziya dzembiri. Kuita makumbo-rera. Ndanga ndichida kurutsa; dei ndanga ndarutsa ndairutsa matumbhu nemoyo neitsvo dzacho. Ndanga ndichida kufenda; dei ndanga ndafenda ndaifira mukufenda ikoko. Dei Shami ndisina kumbomuhwa uchiridza mhere. Ndavhunduka vakomana.

Vanhu vose muraini maChikara vanotya kusvika paMunhandavavira wedu naLavhu. Ndosaka vachishaiwaka kuti tinombopwera kupi. Haha. Ngano dzose dzinotaugwa pamusoro pawo – umwe unopika kuti wakavona mazishato maviri akakomba zihunde racho; rimwevo ndiro rinoti rakavona muti wacho uchipfuta vusiku. Kwahizve nevamwe Munhandavavira unotaura sebwe riya rekuMatonjeni. Asi favourite yedu ndeyevaya vanoti munhu ukangopwedera pedo nemuti wacho unotsemugwa nemheni rakacheka nyika. NaLavhu tinongoseka hedu takaruma ndimi; kwahi ndipo pakazororera ziteteguru redzinza parakazotanga musha mumutunhu uno. Hapangosvikwi nemunhu nje.

Manje isu hatina nharo dzekuti Chikara mbune nyakutumbura dzinza rangu wakapodza shoka dzake dzaiva dzopisa nekufamba paGota apa; asivo zvekuti hapana umwezve waitendegwa kusvikapo izvo - nekuti kubva tiri Giredhi Sikisi ndimo mataitambira imomo; kubvira musi watavanda mvura muzibako rehunde yawo makore mashanu apera. Kana taiva tamboda zvekutya mvura iyoyo yaitivuraya – nekunaya chete kwete nemheni. Yakanaya zvekuti takavona gwizi guchizara takatarira.

Zvekuti kune muti unoyera takazombozvifunga here – takangopinda mubako tiri moto. Kubva musi iwoyo takabva taita Gota – ndiro zita ratakamupa – muti wedu. Hatinei nekuti vanhu vanofunga kuti panei. (Asi hazvirevi kune pane munhu unozvizivaka kuti tinopwera tiri mugota. Tikabapwa tingapondewa nemadhara; vanofunga kuti panogara mhondoro).

Ndazvinanaidza ndakananga kuGota ndokusvikozvikanda pahunde yaro. Kana Mbuya Gota vakafa nekuchembera tisu tichaita vanhu vekutanga muno munyika vachachema rufu gwemuti. Raisa mavoko aro pamafudzi angu, richiti ndisachema, zvunhu zvakadero zvinoitika. Ini ndaandavhunza kuti ichokwadi here chandanga ndavona kana kuti ndanga ndoti hiri hiri hangu. Gota waseka vakomana – kwahi hauvoni kuti zvauri kuita zvakangofanana nekuvhunza kuti Mwari muriko here zvedi?

Ini ndanga ndisingavoni musiyano wacho ini.

“Horaiti,” Gota radzvova. “Zvakamira so. Mwari iriko kudenga uko. Haisi murume kana mukadzi. Haisi munhu. Imhepo iri pose pose – kwete zvenyu imwi vanhu zvekuda kuiba kuiita yenyu moga. NdiMwari wedu tose. Saka kana uri Mwari wedu tose what do we have in common – mweya muzukuru. Tose tine mweya waMwari, zvinoreva kuti tose tiri part yaMusikazvose. Haikona ndiwo mufananidzo wacho waakatisika nawo? Saka Mwari irimo mumhepo umu. Which means kana uchitenda kuti Mwari iriko, wawavona paya ndiShamiso zveshuwa.”

Shamiso! NaTafadzwa? Kana kudenga kukanzi kwawa mwedzi nenyeredzi mbiri ndingazvitenda hangu. Kwete Shami naTafa veduwe.

“Ko sei vasikana vedu vachiita sevasina kukwana kudero nhai Gota shamwari?”

“Vaita sei?”

“Izvozvi zvekuti munhu unotaura chimwe chunhu pano, mangwana wofuma uchiita chimwe chiri opposite chawakamboreva zuro paya? Chinombova chii chaizvo chaizvo?”

“Ndiko kukura muzukuru. Kana munhu uchikura mamistake akadero anoregeregwaka. Zvinopfuura. Ndosaka uchihwa vamwe vachiti experience is a great teacher. Mamistake iwawa ndiyo experience yacho, wavona. Munhu ukasakanganisa pano pasi haufi wakadzidza. Ukapota uchiisa A panodiwa B pano neapo haikona hauzokangamwi kuti mhinduro yacho inowanikwa sei.”

Ndaseka. Tichadorega kuita chirungu kana tiri mumuti muno nekuti mbuya vava kutora tsika yakaipa.

“Ha ha. Hazvibetseri izvi, muchembere. Imi mungada kuviga mhosva dzenyu muchiti iexperience here? Ndiko kudhakwazve ikoko.”

“Usandivhunza. Ndizvo zvamunoita imwi vanhu. Isu hatina zvitema isu.”

"Zvitema munazvo mukweguru. Musada henyu kundikwidibira. Zvekuti kana kuri kuti muchatongwavo pamwechete nevanhuka, chokwadi vazhinji venyu tinoinda navo kuGehena. Rungani mudondo muno vanhu vachiwa mumuti vachisvika vachivhunika makumbo nemavoko pasi apo? Kana kudofa futi. Rungani munhu achisvuvura gavi pamuti kuti azvisungirire padavi rakasimba paanonyatsa kugurira vupenyu bwake pazhira miti yakatarira? Zvingani zvinoitiwa mumimvuri yemiti asi miti yacho isingatauri? Chitema chenyu chikuru kunyarara muchembere. Izvozvi ndatiza Shami apa haikona inyaya imwechete yekuramba kutaura kwenyu? Kushaya muti umwechete zvawo wakagona kumira mberi kwevanhu uchindipupuriravo kuti vana ava vane zvivi zvisingaperi, asi zvamuri kuvapomera izvi hazvina kumboitika munyika yedu yeCherupasa. Chamunogona ndiko kunyarara chete muchichengeta zvakavanzika zvevanhu. Ndosaka muchizombopisiwa mhani.

“Asi taura zvako mukweguru. Kana mofananidzwa nevanhuka, miti yakagadzigwa isina zvitadzo. Kuzhe kwemupfura uya wekuchikoro unobereka mapfura anovava seanombodarika achibikwa munhumbu yezhou. Unoziva kuti kana ndakura ndinoda kuita chii? Ndoda kudzidzisa. At least mamistake aticha anovonekwa mumugwagwa zuva roga roga achitsvaka kurarama.”

“Ko haudi kuita doctor saChiremba here?”

“Mmm mm. Mamistake adoctor anovigwa muvhu. Handidi.”

“Ko kuita lawyer?”

“Imi mbuya imi; munoda kuti ndidzidze kufonyora vanhu bhureni here? Nekuti ndiro basa remagweta iroro. Kana vakonewa basa racho mamistake avo anovharigwa seri kwemazimudhuri marefurefu akakombewa nemazisimbi newaya dzemagetsi. Ibasa here iroro?”

“Hamheno. Ko mamistake aShamiso ari kupivo?”

“Ari pano ose. I am her greatest mistake. Handidi kufunga nezvazvo, mazvihwa here? Ndanga ndava kuzvikangamwa.” Ndafema. “Ko Mwari wakaregerei hake kundisika ndiri muti nhaiwe?”

“Yaida kuti uite shamwari yaShamiso.”

“Haha. Unofanira kunyara nemashoko ako muchembere iwe,” ndadero ndichizvambarara padavi negotsi. “Shami haambozvidi zvekuti ndi…”

“Mmmmmhhhhhhhaaaa…!!!”

Ratinhira hwi riya sebhanan’ana remvura yemugwenga. Ndokubva rangokaruka rati zii rekutanga kwaraita.

“Ndiani?” Ndavhunza, asi ndanga ndadosumuka kare. Ndandichiziva kuti ndiani.

Gota haana kudavira. Kana kuti haana kudavira nezhira yandanga ndakatarisira – nekuti zimonya racho rangonditi piku richindibhururusa nekundipfekedzera pakati pemapazi emiti.

Mashura ariko imi.

XXX

Zvichine basa rei?

Zvunhu zvose zvine pazvinofanira kugumiraka. Chisingaperi chinoshura. Vupenyu bwangu bwuri kuzoperavo pano nhasi. Nezhira inonyadzisa kudarika dzose pano pasi – ndiudzei kuti ndiani wakambozvisungirira abva mukurhepewa panyika pano. Asi kufa kufaka. Chero ukadofa uchifamba pamusoro pemakore munhu. Kana kufa uri pakati pekunamata. Kana kuti uri pasi paTafadzwa.

Kufa kufa.

Ndiri kukumbira Mwari kuti utsvake part yemoyo wake inohokwanisa kundiregerera pane zvandiri kuda kuita. Ndamuvimbisa kuti hapana kana munhu une basa neni panyika. Vanhu vemuno muraini vanongoti wafira nyora haachemwi; zvino uyu wavurawa hake nenyadzi dzake. Munoti kuhura kwerudzii ikoko kwekuti munhu unochinjanisa baba nemwana. Vhiki isati yapera vanenge vadondikangamwa. Pamwe vatete ndivo vachandichemavo kwemazuva akati oo. Asi vanenge vachingoti mwana wehazvanzi yangu wakatogwa nevabereki vake, saka kwaari ikoko wakachengeteka. Joe unosara navatete, saka future yake iri bhoo. Haangambogari zvakanaka kana akaramba achindivona zuva roga roga achifunga kuti ndini pfambi yazengeza raini rose.

Loveness naSteve ndivo vachatsvaka munhu wakandiurayisa vagomuwana. Moyo waLavhu unobva wazorora. Handizivi kuti Steve uchaita sei. Handidi kuziva hangu nekuti ndingahochinja mafungiro. Ndiri kuda kufa, zvisinei nekuti Steve ndizvo zvaanoda here kana kuti hazvisi. Dei ndanga ndiri kumba ndaisiya ndamunyorera tsamba. Manje zvandiri kuno kudai ndichangomusiyira mutumbi wangu wabigwa humhandara nemwana wamukoma vake. Ndichamuchemera ndisati ndafa. Ndigomuudza kuti andikumbirire ruregerero kuna Molly. Ndigomuimbira Over my Shoulder yaMike and the Mechanics. Steve. I really wish we were starting over.

Tawanda unenge wadzoka. Ndiri kumuhwira kure uchidzokorora guyo gwawanga uchimboimba kuti Tafadzwa usadero mwana wevanhu. Pamwe hauna kumbogara watiza; wanga uchingova pano uchishamiswa nekushaiwa zvekuita nemukoma wake wanga uchimudzidzisa zvinoitwa vasikana vanongoda kuzvipinza pose pose. Kuita sevasingazivi kuti vakomana chete ndivo vane mvumo yekupinda pose pavada.

Tafadzwa wabvisa ruvoko hwani kumusana kwangu kuti usvaye mupfanha wake unyarare; mukoma vari bhizi. Rurimi gwake guri kundipara huro. Wadzosa ruvoko guya pasi. Asi pawasumudza chiso chake, ndavona maziso ake akati wee kuwetsewa, zvekuti kana angu meso anga asina kungotivo dzvondo mudenga asingavoni dei ndavhunduka. Ndandisingazivi kuti ndizvo zvinoita maziso evakomana ini kana vasvika pagemhu yacho.

Kana kuti pamwe Tafadzwa wacho wawetsa meso nekuti pane charira kuti pop!pop!pop! necheseri kwake. Kuita sekuti ibhora raputika kumagiraundhi kuchikoro.

Paputika chunhu chiya, Tafadzwa wanditarira seusingandivoni uchidhonzera mweya wose wepanyika mudumbu make. Chero neni ndahwa ndichikakatiwa. Paazobudisa mweya uya wanga uchizhamba nezihwi guruguru sehove iya yekuKariba yatinongohwa nembiri kuti ikachema kuKariba kwacho kunoita earthquake. Tafadzwa wakuma. Handidi kufunga kuti wava kuda kuitei. After all ndiri kubhadhara zvivi zvanguka. It’s payback time. Wakunguruka neni kusvika wava padivi pangu.

(Aaa! Chii! Chidhongoti ichi chiri kumbovona kuti chiri kutaura nani here wachiri kusumudzira chigumwe chefuck you? Fuck me? Asshole; fuck you! Ndafema zvakadzika kamwechete. Nhasi ndiri kuuraya munhu chete. Haazivi kuti ndaiichemera sei nguva yekuti ndimboshongana naye ndiri ndoga pasina Lavhu. Manje dhuma nhasi mbavha nemuroyi. Ndamuwanikidza nhasi Tafa uya mwana wamukoma Mutongi.

Uchi…[bhutsu!!]…mbhuruza mwana wevanhu mudondo muno!

Injini iyoyo inomupa kufunga kuti une kodzero dzose pano pasi ndiyo yandatsatisa. Idi; ndanyatsa kuinanga neWein Brenner yandakavigigwa naRumbi iyi, asi yandinofungira kuti yakatengwa natsano. Ndikabwerengedza mabhora aya nehockey stick yawo pabhutsu paya – ndofunga aita mvura ini. Ndibwo bwoni bwenyoka bwandaita ubwu.

Mwana wabowa uchikungurukira pasi).

Asi padivi pangupo haana kugara. Kuri kunzi ndakasimba ndaimuka hangu ndofana kusvuvura gavi rekuzvizorodza naro asati adzoka. Kana kuti pamwe ndaizhambavo ndivete pano sezvaita Tafadzwa. Zvose izvozvo zvangogumira mukudemba chete – munoti vadzidzi vaya vaireva nhema here pavaiti kuna Jesu moyo yavo yaida, asi nyama yairamba? Plus futi chero ndanga ndakasimba sei handifungi kuti waimbondirega ndichimuka.

Nekuti nguva dzino makumbo angu anzi hetu mudenga. Tawanda. Tafadzwa uri kuzoidza mafantasy ake ose aairota pandiri nhasi. Kana kuti uri kuda kuti Tawanda uchicheka hake dzafa kare.

Ndiri kumuhwa uchiti, “Ndiwe futi! Iwe mupfanha iwe- nhasi pano haupabvi uchifamba mupfanha. Wava kuda kudondijairira haikona. Kose kose unongonditevera! Nhasi hauhwinhi! Tiri kupedzerana chete. Ndiri kukupedzisa nhasi!”

Haha. Kupenga zvakunoita futi – ndambofunga kuti Tafa wanga uchireva inika; handiti tinogara tichizvivona pamamuvhi kuti mukadzi unopedzisira wapondewa kana murume waguta hake? Manje ndashaiwa kuti uyu uri kuda kutanga nekundiponda sei, uye kuti uri kuda kuzvipirei hake ngozi; ini ndanga ndafunga kuzvipfuudza hangu pachangu. Imi; chingondiregaivo ndakadero – ndechanguvo chanhasi chekuti handitendegwi chero kuzviuraya chaiko.

Asi Tafadzwa wanga usingatauri neni. Ndahwa makumbo angu achimonewa nezidhende ndikasvunura nekushamiswa. Harisi dhende; isketi yangu. Tawanda uri…

Hana yangu yarova. Yanga yaguma kurova kare zvekuti ndanga ndofunga kuti haisisimo mumbabvu muya. Nekutika haasi Tawanda wakandibata makumbo uchindipfekedza siketi iya. Pamwe ingirozi. Kana kuti pamwe ndiSatani.

Asi zvisinei kuti ndiani munhu iyeye, une chiso chaSteven Chikara.

Ini ndini munhu wazofa manje.

“Shamiso! Shami! Shami kani! Muka!”

Ndiri kungorheyesa maziso. Kudavira kwandiri kuita ndofunga kunongova mumusoro mangu chete. Zihwi randiri kudanidzira naro harisi kuhwikwa chero neni muridzi waro. Ndiko kufa kwacho ikoko. Saka baba vangu namai vari kupi? Kana kuti pamwe muromo wangu wanamwa neropa riya?

Ndavona Tafadzwa uchitarira kusaidhi ndokubva wasekerera uchiinda kwawanga waisa meso kuya. Steve – ngirozi kana Satani une fesi yaSteve – haasi kuvona Tafadzwa. Uri kudaidzira zita rangu chete uchigwa nekundibvisa kuvashakabvu. Uri kungovona nekundeya kuri kuita maziso angu kuti ndiri mupenyu. Pawavona kuti ini handisi kuzopindura zvaari kundidana kudero – at least handisi kupindura zvaari kuhwa iye – wataura mashoko anditonhodza nekutya kuGehena kwandiri. Wataura wakadzikama semutongi wedare uri kutongera munhu death sentence.

“Tafadzwa. Mbuya vako vari kukuchema nhasi.”

Ndizvo zvaataura izvozvo. Ndofunga ini ndamutarira nemaziso ari kukumbira mukana wekuti ndimbotanga ndazvindikita Tafadzwa wacho inini; nekuti wadzungudza musoro wakanditarira.

“Sori, shamwari,” wadero. “Unotomira muline.”

Asi zvekuda kuponda Tafadzwa handizvo zvandanga ndichikumbira Steve izvozvo. Hapana chunhu chandingada sekuvona Tafadzwa achiti pu pasi zvekusamuka zvachose panyika. Asi panguva dzino zvakadzvanya – nekuti Tafadzwa wacho ndiye wakabata sanhu rekuda kuponda munhu ane chiso chaSteve. Ndizvo zvandanga ndichimuyambira izvozvo. Asi ndangogumira mukumutarira chete. Paazoti cheu, sanhu ranga radova mudenga kudhara. Ndatsinzina – chandakamboita pano pasi chinoda kuti ndife nevanhu vakawanda chiiko? Ende sei vanhu vacho vachida kunditangira kufa ini?

Pandavhura meso musoro wake wanga uchierera ropa. Rakawanda kani. Mavoko ake ari mudenga akavhika sanhu. Pasina nguva uri kupera simba ugongondokera pasi. Tafadzwa ugomunyika futi demo rake kusvika pasisina chekutema.

Ndipo pandaridza mhere ipapo.

(Dei ndodotandadza so. Shuwa. Dei sanhu richidoverenga vurozvi bwangu mumusoro izvozvi. Waita hake Shami waita kuti ndinyumwe nekuminduka minduka kwaanga achiita akatarira seri kwangu… sezvazvanga zviri ndangotendeuka ndakasumudza mavoko mudenga. Ikoko ndiko kunonzi kufemegwa ikoko. Kutamba rufu ten nought. Ende ndaita laki ndashongana naro risati rakoka simba, zvekuti razongondifenura ganda nechepasi pegokora. Asi kukuvara kukuvaraka – ropa raita kuti tsa richimanyidzana kubuda richichururuka nemumusoro.

Tamira takadzvokorana semakara asivonani. Munhu anondivona anofunga kuti ndapindwa bhureni nedemo. Ropa riri kuita mafashamo richibhoirisa huropi hwangu; ndikaribata ndirini sanhu iroro pari kufa munhu pano.)

Sanhu riya ratsvedzemukira pasi. Chunhu chiya chinoita kunge Steve hachina kumbocheuka pachahwa ndichiridza mhere. Chakavira sanhu riya kure, ndokuita zvekukwekweredza Tafadzwa nekola chichiinda naye kwakafara. Chamukweva kusvika chamutunga huma.

“Ndinozviziva zvose mupfanha. Waifunga kuti wakangwaraka usingazivi kuti vanhu vaikushandisa chero newe. Uchandiudza zvose nhasi nemuromo wako uyu.”

Ini ndava kunyatsa kubowa zviri free manje, semunhu uchangowana voice rakevozve, ndichivhinyuka vhinyuka sezongororo ratsikwa ndichiidza kumuka pandivete. Ndichikonewa kumuka kwacho. Nyika iri kutenderera mumaziso angu.

Tafadzwa uri kumonyorora kumeso, uchigwa nekununura huro yake yakadzvinyiwa nesimbhi dzemavoko egoritoto raSteve. Izvi zvaanga achindibhinya pano, munhu unodovavo nevamwe vanomukunda simba nhai? “Ndiregedze ndikurikite m’pfanha. Ndirege ndikupedzise.”

Dei waziva hake warega kuita wrong choice yamashoko yakadero. Steve wadhonza munhu ndokumutunga pamhino. Mwana wabowa. Wazhamba. Chinhu chinenge Steve chakatsamwa vasikana. Hachimboiti kunge Steve. Charamba chichizuza Tafadzwa uya nekola. Chibhakera chake chekuleft chadzoka sure; ndokubhururuka zvekare chakadzokera kwachabva kuya. Ndokupfuura paside pachanga chiri. Ndokubatanidza futi nemhino yaTafa. Kechipiri. Kechitatu. Tafadzwa uchingovovora chete. Kechina. Ndavona mudenga kutsvuka, ndikahwa Tafadzwa uchiita kuscreama semwana wakachiwa neganjo reshomwe. Kana kuti semwana wapwanyiwa neguyo rawanga uchikokota dovi.

Chunhu chiya chisiri Steve chaseka; kuita kupwatika wena, sekuti vanhu vari kutamba chikudo.

(Hahahahahahahahaaa! Yha. Wamama. Vakomanaka. Dei Lavhu yanga iri pano mhani. Haikona ndakamuvudza hangu kuti ndichaita quality time yangu ndoga naTafadzwa ndigopudura binho rake iri. Ndiri kuhwa kuda kuidya izvozvi ndichivona ropa richidzatuka pana Ndambakuudzwa. Ha ha ha).

Paazoregedzewa, Tafadzwa wadzadzarika uchidzokera sure. Ini ndanga ndaita history yekumuka nekugara ndisina wandibetsera ndokubva ndagwesha ndakananga kumuti wandanga ndichida kutema huni. Steve wakotama ndokubva wasumuka ne…

Sanhu! Sanhu riri kuyerera ropa remumusoro wake. Ndiri kukonewa kunyarara. Munhu usiri Steve une shungu dzekuda kuponda Tafadzwa iye usati wafavo.

Nhasi pari kufa vanhu vatatu pano.

Asi zvekufa zvacho zvichiri kure naTafa zvekuti hauna kana shungu dzekurashikigwa nelife nhasi. Pawavona chiso chaSteve chabata sanhu wangoti suduru, tendeu, ndokubereka shoka achibvarura mapazi emiti.

Fesi yaSteve yakanda demo pasi ndokumanyira – ko bhegi uri kubvepi naro? Mubhegi riya wabudisa…

Rhekeni.

Ndapinda zvakare muGuiness Book nekuti ndakwanisa kugwesha nemuti uya kusvika ndamira. Munhu wandakatarira ndinozviziva kuti haasi Smiley, asi handidi kuvona achifa zvakadero. Asi ndizvo zvava kuzoitika izvozvo – ndekupi imwi kwamakambovona munhu akararama abva mukudzikwa sanhu pakati pemusoro?

Steve wenhema uya unoita seusiri kuhwa kuti uchafa izvozvi. Munhu une nharo nekurarama vakomana. Wasumudza rhekeni dziya ndokudzinangisa kuna Tafadzwa.

(Ndadzisumudza kusvika palevel yeziso hwani. Ndikavhara rimwe racho. Makumbo aTafadzwa ari kumusenga akananga kuraini. Ari kununga speed. Munhu watanga uri kure neni neseven metres, asi iye zvino dzava paten. Ndabatisisa rhekeni dziya ndakadzinangisa pagotsi rake.

Twelve metres.

Ndakakata rhekeni dziya…

Ndokubatwa ruvoko naGota. “Ndizvo zvawakadzidza here izvozvo zveumhondi?” Uchidzikisa mavoko angu. “Kurumidza. Une zvunhu zvakakosha zvekuita.”

Wasiya pfuti yangu yakananga gumbo hwani remukomana. Horaiti, Gota. I get the message.

Twenty-four metres.

Ndatatamura rhekeni zvakare.

Makumbo ake ari kurova gotsi achiriputsa. Gumbo rimwe rasumuka ndokudzika pasi. Rimwe ndokusumuka zvakare ndokudzika pasi. Rimwe rikasumuka rikadzika. Rimwe ndokusumuka…

Forty-seven metres!

…ndadinhura rhekeni…

…gumbo ndokusvikirana pasi nebwe rinonzi kuru so rinowanikwa panotangira hova, riri kufamba 500km paawa. Gumbo riya rasumuka, asi chatanga kusvika pasi muromo wake.

Handina kumumirira kuti ndihwe uchirira.

Ndatendeukira panga pavete Shami. Haapo. Wa… wooowww! Ndashunyanidza maziso angu ndikawedzera kumavhara nemavoko. Mwana wakashama zvake kuti n’e. Heyi! Siketi yandambomupfekedza paya yadzoka kushoka uku. Uri kuizvuva uchichema.

Uchiuya kwandiri wakatambanudza mavoko.

Shit).

XXX

Smiley.

Ndiye wena. NdiSteve nhai.

Pawandivona ndichitatarika ndakananga kwaari waita chamuhwiriri uchindifuratira uchibvisa hembe yake yeblue. Ndiri kushaiwa kuti wanga uchibva kuchikoro here kana kumba. Kana wanga uchibva kuchikoro kuno unodei? Kana uchibva kumba bhegi remabhuku unoridii, nebhutsu tsva nejini neshirt zveblue? Ko Lavhu wamusiyepi?

Ko ini uri kundiiginowa kuti ndaitei?

Asi iyoyo ingagova mhosva yake here? Munhu warasha life yake kuti ununure yangu. Ini chandaita kuti ndikodzere kununurigwa vupenyu hapana. Ndokubva ndambokahadzika kuti zvaari kubvisa hembe kudai; kasi uri kuda kusumudzira pasiigwa nemwana wake here.

Steve wakapfeka vhesi chena mukati nehembe iya yeblue. Pasina nguva ndazongovona ndatarigwa nemusana wake, vhesi iya yava muruvoko. Handina kumbowana nguva yekukahadzika kuti uri kuda kuitei neni, nekuti vhesi iya yanditema chifuva ichitevegwa nehwi sure kwayo.

“Pfeka.”

Pfeka? Pfeka! Pfe…! Ndakashama! Ndakashama nhai! Idi kuti kanha sen’ombe yagwadzigwa nezamu pabani pazere vafudzi. Ndanga ndakangamwa kuti ndabvarurigwa skipa yangu naTafadzwa. Ndosaka Steve wabvisa hembe nhai.

Zvose izvi ndazozvifunga ndava pasi. Ndaandichiidza kunzvenga hembe yaSteve; nekushamiswa, plus futi hamheno kuti chii chandipinga makumbo, ndati zee zee, ndokuti pu pasi paya pandambobva zvine history. Shungu dzangu dzabva dzaita mafloods, zvikati zvabatanavo nechokwadi chezvaitika kwandiri. Ndachema zvenguva yose yandanga ndakakanyarara ndichirambidziwa kuchema naTafadzwa iya. This time handisi kuzomuka pano. Handidi kumuka. Ndiri kuda kuchema kusvika mweya wangu wapera. Handitombodi kuti Steve undimutse. Wandihwa ndichipunzika ukauya kumusoro kwangu ukandimutsa. Wakagwadama sure kwangu wakandibata mafudzi, uchindipfekedza vhesi yake neruvoko hwani zvinyoronyoro. Uri kuita seunotya kuti ndicharidza mhere ndichimugwisa.

Phase one yapera. Ndava kuita semunhu manje. Steve wakwenya musoro; uchifunga kuti wondikwidza sei sketi yangu. Ndiyo yandipiringisha nguva dziya. Iye zvino yasara kure uko.

Vhesi yake yakareba. Iri kuvhara magaro angu zvishomanana. Zvishomanana. Muridzi wayo wandisimudza kusvika ndamira. Watora sketi ndokuchonjomara kuti undipfekedze. Uri kungotaura shoko hwani chete. Shiti. Shit, shit, shit. Shiti. Hazvizikamwi; pamwe wazvivona kuti vhudzi rangu zasi ikoko radzugwa dzugwa, nekuti uri kuti shiti izvozvi. Ini ndakaruka ndadonhera paari ndichiisa musoro pabendekete rake. Iye wakatumba. Haana kuti shiti. Ndanga ndakakotama, saka wakwidza sketi iya uchisumuka neni. Wamboda kupotesa mavoko kumusana kwangu, ndokubva wafunga. Ndokubva watenderera seri kuya kuti ubhatane siketi yacho. Dei bhatani racho ranga risipo handifungi kuti waihonyarara kuti shiti.

Ndava musikana akakwana manje.

Kuzhe kwaSteve, hapana umwe unoziva kuti handina kupfeka panty.

Chasara zvino ndechekundinyaradza. Steve haazivi kuti woita sei. Ndazongoroka wonditi mone nemazivoko ake, ukandirega ndichikanda musoro wangu pachifuva chake. Ndokubva ndacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeema. Ndikacheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeema. Kunyarara kwangu pano kunenge kwadova kufa ndofunga.

Ndacheeeeeeeeeeeeeema veduwee. Kusvika ndisisina hwi rekuchema naro. This was the last straw; Steve wandibata nemapendekete ukandikumbira kuti ndimbomira ndoga mbichana.

“Ok,” wasumudza mavoko mudenga sembavha yakombewa nemapurisa paL.A. Heat. “Zita rangu ndinonzi Smiles Smiley Blessing Nyemwaz Steven Chikara. I want to negotiate.”

Ndambomira ndakamutarira. Ndikadzipwa ndaidza kuseka zvanga zvataugwa nemukomana. Kuchema kuri nani. Saka ndasumudzira zvakare ndichiwira paari. Ndikangomira ndoga ndinohwa sendiri kunhafiwa naTafadzwa.

“Ndiri kuda kuinda newe kugwizi tonogeza kumeso. Kana tapedza togara pasi, iwe wochema zvisina ruzha, ini ndichikuvudza nyaya. Don’t worry, ndinoramba ndakakubata. Tafadzwa haafi akadzokorodza zvaaita nhasi izvi. Ndiri kukuvimbisa izvozvo. Ok?

“Do we have a deal?”